A kid got bumped off his ski by a shark in Burleigh yesterday and his mum was the only one that noticed. He left the water unscathed and no one cared because Mick Fanning, in a showdown with fellow Aussie Julian Wilson, got into a punch up with a shark and won on live TV. In the final of the Jbay Open.
You could not have scripted this shit.
The contest started well earlier in the week, but after what felt like one million lay days and a couple of half arsed attempts by the Southern Ocean to dish up some lines, finals day was finally on with a final shake down of the not so final world title leader-board. With Adriano out, the final saw the second and third place ratings holders face off in glorious, near perfect Supertubes in front of the drama keen crowd.
This was a grand spectacle in itself, that these two should meet in the final. But then, as if the writers from Home and Away got on the MD and intercepted events, low and behold, a Goddamn SHARK.
Right there. On the live TV.
Up in Mick Fanning’s grill. Pulling him down. Under. Separating his board and body, Fanning stroking toward shore like a man about to die. Or perhaps just as a man about to die.
His competitor, Jules, the best looking man in pro surfing, thrashing toward Fanning, preparing to wield his board in an aquatic battle of man versus beast.
The ski arrived in just the nick of time and both men returned to shore, Fanning to call his mum and reassure her that he was unscathed and Julian to cry on TV and inform every female on planet Earth that not only was he a chiseled and aesthetically pleasing vision but he was also an emotionally sensitive hero.
Anyway, the final ended, they both came second and DeSouza retained his ratings lead.
The rest of the world meanwhile dreamed sharky dreams of their favorite surf destinations alive with the crawling infestation of blood lusting submarine predators.
Julian Wilson’s mum appeared on our screens with the kind of head wear on that seemed like she had torn a giant hibiscus from the neighbour’s backyard and thrown it on her head to add colour to the drama and Channel 7 reporters struggled to pronounce her heroic son’s name.
Mick Fanning was just cruising and everyone was generally stoked.